So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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