I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
