Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
