Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
