Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
