I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
