How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize