You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
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