I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
