I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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