Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
