My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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