There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
