yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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