He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
