I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
