she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
