u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
