I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
