Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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