just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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