my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
