So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
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I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
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I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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