The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize