Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
