anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
