It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
