So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
where are my eyebrows?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
