dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
