I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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