Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
