I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
