You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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