I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
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I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
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There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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