she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
