Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So much rum. So many feels.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
