Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
