My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
