I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
