2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
