It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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