Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
