It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My balls are so social today.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize