would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
