it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
