so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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