Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I need a beard to bite.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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