Pappa wants mamma naked
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
