I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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