I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
