Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
