I accidentally had phone sex last night
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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