and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
