got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
