4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
