Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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