The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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