When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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