Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
This house was built for laser tag.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
