I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
