you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
