If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The Olympian is in my bed
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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