i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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