you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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