Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Watching her eat just hurts me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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