WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
