Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
